Things I Wish I Knew Before Embarking on My First Cruise

How a clueless land-lover learned to navigate the all-inclusive open seas.

My people are not cruise multitude . Between an easily seasick mother , a landlocked Midwestern childhood , and an inner circle more concerned in exploring the land under their feet , the notion of cruising never really fall up . I ’ve been whale watching and fishing , take ferries to barrier islands , and partied on moor speed gravy boat and pontoons . But spending the Nox on a boat ? Never .

That was until August 26 , 2022 , when I step onto the brand sparkling new Norwegian Prima and settled in for eight full days on the water .

I flew to Reykjavik , Iceland , where the ship would depart , armed with a few alteration of clothes ( “ You ’ll be mill around , bring stuff tolounge , ” my coworkers consult me ) , my work laptop , an outside roaming plan , and absolutely no clue what to expect . But on the plane , I madly google thing I understand I could n’t answer . Like , what happen if I ’m athirst at 3 am ? Can you just take the air off a cruise at port or do you need special license ? Can you watch broadcast TV on a sail ship ? Are there doctors on cruise ship ? What exactly is maritime police force ?

front of cruise ship

Into the blue beyond.|Photo courtesy of Norwegian Cruise Line

The fact that , on land , I ’m rarely hungry at 3 am , do n’t have or require cablegram television system , seldom ever go to the doctor , and have n’t had a skirmish with the natural law since mellow schooling break to soothe my last - minute spiraling . I was about to be limit to a undivided vessel for more than a calendar week . I steeled myself for this bizarro all - inclusive resort , where rather of a road leading back to town , there ’s just miles upon miles of frigid , shark - infested waves ( okay , plausibly not shark - infested , but still ) .

That ’s not to say I was n’t excited . I ’m a big fan of sauceboat , and the road promise to unveil a lineup of city I would ’ve probably never visited if travel by air . seat likeCounty Cork , Ireland , with its rabble - rousing past and pastel - colour in row house ; England ’s curving seaside , a realm cognize for its rich history and healing breezes ; and La Havre , France , a Normandy larboard town dominated by laconic mid - century computer architecture and a killer beachfront skatepark .

I also knew I ’d be care for to Vegas - quality live amusement by way of star Katie Perry and closing act Chaka Khan — ship christenings are a giving deal , I gathered , and they spare no expense when it comes to star - studded events . There ’d be celebrity chef - helmed restaurants , eternity pools , a full thermal spa , and — no jape — a three - tiered go - kart speedway perched luxuriously atop the ship ’s uppermost deck . ( According to the online pamphlet , the track promised to be “ longer , gravid , and zoomier than ever . ” )

My future trusty steed.|Photo courtesy of Norwegian Cruise Line

But what I did n’t experience ? As it rick out , that could fill estate of the seemingly sempiternal sea ahead of me .

For one week , my mentality involve the form of an babe - like sponge , inebriate up every sail ship item that come my way . I peeked out of every porthole , strolled each deck of cards from aft to stern , control the breakfast buffet line , and bake in charcoal saunas stashed deeply in the vessel ’s stomach . My fellow passengers , all 3,000 or so of them , seemed to all be wizened cruisers , rant ship - related facts and figures with the effortless confidence of a veteran MLB announcer spill the beans balls and ten-strike .

finally , I mother my sea legs . After a few twenty-four hour period , I stopped contact for my wallet after ordering a drink , and my designated cabin steward ’s cheery “ Good first light , Meredith ! ” no longer made me parachute as I exited my room pre - burnt umber . I was comfy , subject matter . I was cruise .

aerial view of cruise ship

My future trusty steed.|Photo courtesy of Norwegian Cruise Line

Are there more sail in my futurity ? Perhaps . I ca n’t say I ’m a full convert — to me , traveling is all about take on the unexpected , detour off the path , and engaging in the kind of cultural immersion that usually takes longer than a daylight at port . Plus , I really love dive bars . But if I ever do find myself taking to the seas aboard a towering cruise liner , at least I know I ’ll be ready .

Here ’s everything I wish I knew before embark on my very first cruise .

First thing’s first: Pack the essentials

Could I have ask my cabin steward to replace a forget multitude of dental floss or comb ? Probably , but that seemed like more endeavor than I could rally . And what if the missing toiletry item was a bit , shall we say , raw ? If you do n’t want to ramble the ship to track it down or wait until you attain porthole to buy it , you well check that it ’s in your bag before you strike the deck .

Get to know the local lingo

Ships of this prestige and magnitude come with their very own vocabulary , and it ’s helpful to take bill of some key terminology if you intend to comprehend the messages belted out over the loudspeakers every so often .

For the sake of transience , submit and fore essentially imply the front of the ship , while stern and aft touch on to the back of the ship . Port and starboard refer to the ship ’s English ( if the bow is to your north , port is west and starboard is due east ) . Speaking of ships , it’salwaysa ship , and never , ever a “ boat . ” what is more , ships apparently describe as distaff and demand she / her pronouns at all times .

embarkment takes stead when you first climb alongside , while disembarkment only occurs on your concluding Clarence Shepard Day Jr. . A port of call is a stop along your journey ( or “ crossing ” ) , while the cunning little lifeboats affixed to the ship ’s exterior walls ( or “ hull ” ) are called supply ship . invitee rooms or cabin are called staterooms , the Allium tricoccum used to board and deboard are gangways , the Lido Deck has the braggy pools , and your cabin steward is your point in time person throughout your arrest , making trusted your room is ( literally always ) spic and couplet . The chieftain steer the vessel from the bridge , floor are called decks ( as in , “ My cabin is settle on Deck 15 ” ) , and the cruise director is the embody version of that voice booming over the loudspeaker .

go cart track

Vroom vroom.|Photo courtesy of Norwegian Cruise Line

If there’s an onboard spa, make good use of it

I ’m not huge on health spa . Saunas and steam rooms have a tendency to make me claustrophobic and public nudeness has never been my cup of tea . But damned if I did n’t revel the bejesus out of my maraud into the Prima ’s Mandara Spa on Deck 16 .

The Thermal Suite build up through a miscellanea of spicy and cool rooms , meant to get your profligate flow , before culminating in two shallow soak pools keep at a pleasant bath piddle temperature . One cockle sleepily , good manners of some sort of patrician jetstream configuration I could n’t quite nail , while the other is salinated to create a floating sensation . Submerged in those waters , buried in the centre of a elephantine ship that itself is submerged in a body of rolled water , I have never in my living felt so much like a baby in utero — not a sensation I necessarily knew I desire , but wow , what a drive . 10/10 , would urge .

You can pretty much do your own thing at port

I ’m not jazzed about riding around in buses full of strangers , while straining to discover a template call out data about the scenery zooming past . Because of this — and because I generally did n’t have my shit together before manoeuver out — I did not book any organized shoring digression in onward motion . It was n’t until I control how very rigid the boarding and deboarding process was , with its complex wharfage constellation , security screenings , and out - of - the - way larboard of call , that the dreaded realisation hit me : If I had n’t sign up for a sanctioned pleasure trip , would I be able to get off the ship at all ?

The truth is , in short , utterly . Most cruise will allow you to pop out off the ship as before long as the aisle ’s been secured and the cruise conductor gives the go - ahead . The rest of the journey reckon on the port — more remote positioning are often outfit with free shuttlecock bus ferrying cruisers to and from the nearest city center , while others , like the ones in Cobh and Amsterdam , are close enough to town that you’re able to just ramble aright off . Just verify you ’re back onboard before the send call prison term , lest you view all your belongings drift away into the night while you stand humbly ashore , hand - in - pockets . ( Just kidding — the crew will definitely attempt to find you , but it wo n’t be fun for anyone . )

You will never get hungry—like, ever

Between cafeteria - style buffet , solid food - Asaph Hall - panache setup , sit - down choice , poolside bars , and distinctiveness dining destinations ( AKA mellow - end eatery not always include in your pre - purchase meal plan ) , cruise ship are veritable floating supermarkets . Feeding opportunities can well dominate your travel plan , from omelets and cappuccinos to midnight munchies like personal cooking pan pizzas , Gallic chips , and wing . There ’s usually at least one 24 - minute operation , with other spots cover other and previous shifts and every repast , collation , or other eatable hankering in between . And if that were n’t enough , there ’s always room service , oftentimes available 24/7 and always arrive at your door with the utmost expediency .

Or thirsty, for that matter

And then there are the deglutition . Aboard the Prima , that means 16 full - divine service booze vendors , ranginging in style from beachy to button - up and each overflowing with their own apportionment of beer , wine , spirits , and specialty cocktail , plus soft drinks and bottled piddle . In one dimly illuminate hideout , a colored character in a bedazzled cowpoke hat whipped up craft cocktails using sustainable and recycled ingredients . In another , tuxedoed barkeeps decant top - shelf whisky in front of a aspect of floor - to - roof window look out to ocean . And in yet another — my personal favourite for an early good afternoon Warren Burger and beer — a jovial chemical group of Brits set up up six injection of Sambuca with their lunch .

And it ’s not just quantity — these bartenders really roll in the hay their stuff . No fluent desire is off - limitation . No gild is run across with a quizzical spirit , no one behind the sticks is Googling a recipe , consulting a book , or throwing even a quarter - ounce of shade . I once heard a woman rank an off - menu Brandy Alexander — a Brandy Alexander!—and the barkeeper simply nodded and got to make . subsequently , I watched that same barkeeper orbit a Blue Hawaiian , a cycle of Jager Bombs , a Harvey Walbanger , and a Vesper ( all off - menu ) with the same humble preciseness , efficiency , and self-confidence . I ’ve been to some of the best cocktail barroom in the world , we ’re talking multi - award - winners in Tokyo , London , and Paris , and these martini - slingers ? They easily could throw down with the best of them .

Make reservations early and often

Not immediately hitting up the Guest Services sideboard on Deck 7 upon my comer is perhaps my cock-a-hoop ruefulness . There you may snag ticket for live entertainment acts , everything from the Katy Perry - lead christening ceremony and Fleetwood Mac night at Deck 8 ’s disco to a live taping ofThe terms Is Right , complete with real prizes . you could also reserve shore excursions , make dinner party reservations at the specialty dining restaurants , and project out your time onboard within an column inch of its life . I did n’t know reservations were required for these thing , and thus did n’t make any , meaning I spent the next eight solar day scrambling to get my name on a list or my butt in a seat . Do n’t be like me .

Mind the dress code (seriously)

In his 1997 aggregation , A Supposedly Fun Thing I ’ll Never Do Again , former essayist David Foster Wallace drop a line of his first cruise ship experience : “ face , I ’m not going to spend a lot of your clip or emotional energy on this , but if you are male and you ever make up one’s mind to undertake a 7NC Luxury Cruise , be impertinent and take a piece of advice I did not take : contribute Formalwear . ”

Foster Wallace , deeming the suggestion to pack a tuxedo “ ridiculous , ” opt or else for an ironic dinner jacket - motif t - shirt , and when he cavort it to formal effect , became the ship ’s uncomfortable laughing blood . I , having not read Foster Wallace ’s essay before my trip , also ignored the directive to bring nice apparel . sit down to dinner in an upscale Gallic brasserie outfitted in denim and Adidas Shell Toes , I soon learn that when these folk say fancy , they ’re not messing around .

Here ’s a summing up : Cruise casual is chill but not too chill — sports shirts and slacks , possibly Loafer . sail elegant is trickier , mostly dress pant and cocktail dresses . Formal , on the other hired man , is full on black tie . And while it ’s not formally required to adhere to the disgraceful tie standards for the occasion , you ’ll find pretty silly in a cotton plant push button down and the aforesaid Adidas Shell Toes .

interior cruise room

My chamber awaits.|Photo courtesy of Norwegian Cruise Line

Believe it or not, landsickness is a thing

Going into this , I did n’t think motion sickness would be an issue , as I ’ve never had any trouble with it . I was correct , gratefully , and even enjoy it when the water grow slightly choppy , leaning into the ship ’s swaying as if I were bobbing around a water ballpark wave pool . But climbing ashore after two daytime at sea was a different clump secret plan altogether — my legs were wobbly and my Libra the Scales was slenderly off . Once we disembarked , it took a few Clarence Day for the nausea to fall apart off . It was n’t terrible , but I sure enough did n’t expect it .

Every eve , you ’ll receive a neatly typed , full - color printout on your bed detail everything you require to make out about the come day onboard . Time zone shifts , weather forecasts , updated locale 60 minutes , entertainment batting order , even fun fact about the next embrasure of call — it ’s all report , and candidly , it became one of the highlights of my nightly bit . Do n’t even think about toss it aside .

Rest assured that your toilet isnottrying to kill you

You know that loudly , somewhat unsettling suck - type commode you find in aeroplane lavatories ? Get used to it , because that ’s exactly what you ’ll be dealing with onboard a sail ship . Upon first usage , I was not prepare for the blush ’s palmy intensity , and jump backwards , crashing into my stand - up shower ’s ( gratefully inflexible ) chalk door . Be warned that the public toilets scattered around the ship are even more Herculean in their flushing efforts — I’m assuming it ’s a volume affair — and the 1 equipped with auto - flush mechanism make for quite the squatting experience .

Don’t forget to tip the staff before departing

After drop more than a week not pay for a single goddamn thing , remembering to go forth a cash tip for the cabin steward can easy drop off a cruiser ’s nous . But , as with hotel , tipping at the ending of your stay is expected whenever a cruise ship’s company has n’t explicitly include pourboire in your final bill . American currency is favour here , and a good rule of thumb is $ 10 to $ 12 per day , per passenger . If you ’re unsure whether or not gratuity is include , just give those friendly phratry at Customer Services a buzz and they ’ll assuredly typeset you unbowed .

cruise gift shop