An adventurous man is hard to find.
Despite the dim light , it ’s obvious the valet de chambre undressing in front of me pull ahead the transmissible lottery . His 6’2 ” frame just fit in the threefold seam we ’re share in aBucharesthotel . There ’s no hiding the fact that he has a chiseled , square jaw — even if it ’s buried beneath three days ’ worth of stubble . The only downside to his longsighted blonde locks is that they partly obscure his sparkling drear eyes . Stripped down to boxers , he slides in next to me , where I ’m half - bare , too . After all , like most meretricious hotel in Europe , ours lacks AC .
Dylan and I are both straight , sexy , and individual . But neither of us is getting golden tonight . We have to get up early for a term of enlistment ofTransylvania . Plus , we ’re ex . We ’ve been there and done that . It did n’t work .
About a year before Bucharest , and after five years of geological dating , we separated . It was a mutual decision . Dylan move to North Carolina to get his MBA . And alternatively of follow him , I downloaded Hinge and hop on a plane to Portugal . But I never edit Dylan ’s number . While I had to span him off my inclination of potential life partner , there was no way I was crossing him off my tilt of travel partner .
Illustration by Vivian Shih
In my opinion , finding someone you’re able to jaunt well with is harder than finding amistake fare . Just because you get along with someone — i.e. your bestie or your brother — at home , does n’t intend you’re able to take that show on the road . change of location soulmates are the needle in proverbial rick , and that ’s why if I find one , I never let him out of my sight .
While I do n’t have a character , per se , most of my exes from serious relationship have one thing in mutual : They do n’t just pull round in alien environments , they thrive . Like me , they have flexible schedules , rich disposable income , and a desire to see the world . That ’s why we were attracted to each other in the first place . So , even after we break up , we keep travel together . It ’s a reciprocally beneficial experience we ’re not willing to shake off out with the bathwater .
Michael Sawyer , who ’s operation director at the guide companyUltimate Mount Kilimanjaro , said the best travel partners he ’s seen were a span who had call it quits but still wanted to conquer Africa ’s tall mountain together . “ The trip-up went smoothly since they value each other and jazz each other ’s travel substance abuse , ” he recall . “ They were able to concentrate on the route forrader alternatively of their differences . If you draw near traveling with an ex from the correct slant , it can be an awful experience . ”
Friends are a dime a dozen. Someone you can travel with? That’s rare.|Photo courtesy of Katie Jackson
I agree . Take , for illustration , my aforementioned relationship with Dylan . He and I have traveled more together after breaking up than we did while we were dating . Our first post - breakup trip was a 10 - day luxury Mediterranean cruise . At the time , the electrician I was casually pick up could n’t get the sentence off . And all my other friends were getting get married or having kids . Meanwhile Dylan had vacation 24-hour interval and 1000 of dollars burning holes in his boardshorts .
We laughed it off when a group of tourist sent us a bottle of champagne in Capri , think we ’d just gotten engaged . And we did n’t argue when I decided to give ear back in Genoa while he went to see the tugboat of Pisa — a lame tourist maw . If we ’d been date stamp , doing our own thing for the day would have been a dealbreaker . Instead , for the most part , we manoeuvre like a well - oiled machine : I researched action , he researched eatery . The best part was that we did n’t need to experience self - witting about our shortcomings or sense a need to instill .
We ’ve also spent a week together inRome , one of the humans ’s most wild-eyed cities . I act as term of enlistment guide because I ’d canvass abroad there , and he play Daddy Warbucks since he made six figures . later on , when I asked if anyone wanted to go to Romania , it was Dylan who raised his hand the eminent — we’re both fascinated by the former Eastern Bloc . Then there was the trip to Thailand , where I picked up multiple parasites . Dylan was n’t grossed out by my volatile diarrhea , but the Aussie bicycler I was talking to at the sentence probably would have been .
The author and her ex in Capri, where a group of tourists mistook them for a recently engaged couple.|Photo courtesy of Katie Jackson
Dr. Deb Castaldo , a couples healer and source ofThe Relationship Reboottold me the tide is changing when it comes to how we regard past human relationship . “While connection to ex has traditionally been experience as destructive , a new idea is currently come to the fore : keeping connexion to retiring loves can be very therapeutic and fulfilling , ” she enjoin . But setting bound is important , especially if you ’re traveling with an ex and you have a raw partner . She advised pull in sure to discuss why you ’re travel with your ex with your current partner and giving blank to whatever feelings stand up . “ If your current partner finds your connection hurtful or unsufferable , value their regard , ” she tally .
Dylan admits that he ab initio had reservations about me locomote with exes when he and I were together . “ It was strange , ” he said of late . “ But I fancy you would n’t be tell about it if you were just out there dupe around with them . ” He call in trying to keep an open mind while also remaining conservative about his hopes for our future together .
Little did he hump that he ’d eventually be the ex I was traveling with .
Firefighter Matt checks all the boxes: tons of vacation time, no kids, and a desire to see the world.|Photo courtesy of Katie Jackson
Of course , Dylan is n’t the only example . There ’s also Firefighter Matt , a magniloquent Jason Statham look - alike . We date for a few months before settle — while trip in Costa Rica — that we made better friend than devotee . Later that year he met me in Portugal for a week of surfboarding , cycling , and flirting . But not with each other . I was chasing Lusitanian guy ; he was chatting up Canadian girl . Mature adults who respect each other , we knew better than to bring the people we were “ talking to ” back to our shared hotel room . Then last summer , he was my plus one in Jackson Hole , where we dined on Japanese wagyu at theFour Seasonsand lost ourVia Ferratavirginity on the mint . Firefighter Matt is the perfect travel partner because he gets so much vacation clock time . Plus , he does n’t have a spouse , pet , or nipper .
Then there ’s Lian . Imagine Matthew McConaughey , but with a South African accent , and you have my favorite former flaming . We met on Tinder in Thailand , return in love ( at least I did ) on a Disney Cruise in the Caribbean , and went our freestanding way in Florida after I work the ultimatum biz . ( Spoiler warning signal : I lost . ) That articulate , we ’ve bide in pinch and meet up whenever work fetch me to Cape Town . Usually , we go to wine country . In May , we stay atLa Residence , a five - star boutique hotel in Franschhoek , where we slept in what ’s rumor to be Elton John ’s pet suite . Lian and I travel well together because we have similar hobbies : version , hiking , and cycling . Currently , I ’m trying to talk him into unite me in Tanzania for the inauguralWagora MTB Ride .
It turns out that I ’m not alone . In fact , Katherine Alex Beaven , a travel journalist I meet inPeru , has been traveling with her ex for a thumping two decade . Her first time was with Jeremy , a player she dated in her 20s . Not long after break up , they decided to spend a calendar month on Warped Tour . “ We were living out of a vanguard , ” she recalled . Did the skinny quarters precede to someone snapping and committing 2nd - degree murder ? Nope . “ When you ’ve dated someone it ’s easier to speak up when they do something pestiferous , ” Beaven told me . “ The communication degree is there and there have been a lot spoilt fights . ”
The author and her favorite former flame traveled to Cape Town together—after they broke up.|Photo by Katie Jackson
Like me , Beaven appreciates being able to sound things that you would n’t palpate well-to-do pronounce in front of friends or unexampled partner . You have less to lose with your ex because , in a way of life , you ’ve already lost . Plus , you ’ve already proven to be compatible . “ I consider it ’s strange to not be friends with your exes because there ’s a reason you were together in the first place , ” Alex said . She even introduced her next boyfriend , Mischa , to Jeremy . They shoot it off and it was n’t long before all three were jaunt together .
Despite eventually end thing after six - ish years of dating Mischa , Beaven called him when she was planning a cross - country roadtrip during the pandemic . “ He had been my default person to travel with for more than half a decade , so he was my go - to . ” He did n’t hesitate to join her . Since then , they ’ve traveled everywhere from Jamaica to Sri Lanka .
Of course , every trip with an X begets the same commonplace question from Friend and family : Did you hombre rob up ? They ’re boggle by our ability to partake bed with our former married person without sharing our body , too . Some however , are inhale . “ I ’ve had friends attempt to be friends with their exes after see how secure my relationships are with mine , ” explain Beaven . “ That say , it does n’t always mold . ”
I can attest to that . For example , a few years ago I was see a digital nomad I ’ll call Scott . He followed me to Southeast Asia and Australia where we got along just okay . That is , until I told him I was considering going with Dylan to Mexico the next month . Dylan had won a free misstep through his sales job and could bring someone for free . It ’s not an understatement to say that Scott switch out when I tell him I ’d been take to come with . He was invigorated out of a human relationship in which his ex had cheat on him with one of her exes . My wont of traveling with former partners meant we were a compeer made in hell . Even if he was able to trust me , he never would have trusted Dylan .
Most of the metre when I travel with exes I verify that they know I ’m in another relationship or that I ’m “ sing to someone , ” so they do n’t make a move . Neither do I. And if we ’re both undivided ? We ’re not looking to mingle ( with each other at least ) . purloin up again is about as enticing as pick a middle seat on a longhaul flight . It ’s just easier to not get physical . Another pro tip ? sample to get two beds . I bonk my current boyfriend , Tom , trusts me . But that does n’t mean he wants me within spooning neck of the woods of someone I ’ve forked with . That allege , if you revere that you wo n’t be able to share a bed with your ex without nobble up ( assuming that ’s something either of you will regret ) maybe you should n’t be journey with that somebody . Beaven agrees . “ Make certain you ’re picking the ripe ex , and you ’re not just trying to fill a space to have someone to travel with , ” she said .
Dylan has words of wisdom , too . “ Be cognizant of exactly why you ’re locomote with an ex . If it ’s really just about traveling and not hop that the tripper will reignite something between you , then go for it ! ” Still , he cautions that being alone together in strange place has a funny way of conjuring up old feelings . And he ’s not a rooter of traveling with an X while in a new relationship . “ Just do n’t do it , ” he say . “ Even if you have no purpose of anything quixotic occur with your ex , it will inevitably create tension and intuition for your Modern partner . ” I jibe with that instruction and advocate look at least a few month before broaching the issue of traveling with an ex . That gives some time to build up some trust first .
And if your Modern - ish partner still exclude the estimation down , that should be the last of it . Otherwise , as Dylan so sagely put it : “ If you still find that you want to keep traveling with your ex-husband even though your current pardner is n’t OK with it , maybe they are the someone you are say to be with after all . ”
